So, a lot is going on in my family right now. Lani is about the be married, Jenn just had HUNTER!! And Keke will be graduating high school! So Mom decided that it is imperative that I be there for all of this. (Thanks Mom!) So, Thursday, Kenzie and I will be making our way across country to get to Walterboro. I am oh so excited to see everyone! It's been hard here lately. I'm having to deal with a lot and I only have Shane to rely on. This is difficult for me since I've always had such a huge support system to fall back on and now I have seriously no one but Shane. I don't relate to girls here and it really stinks. I have tried and tried and tried to be like them and have finally decided that I'm not gonna try anymore. If I have to change for people to like me, then I don't want you for my friend! If only Blackfoot had a little more culture and people from OUTSIDE of Blackfoot. Everyone knows everyone else and has everything in common and I'm the oddball out. I'm always saying the wrong thing, never dress nice enough, don't wear enough makeup, and don't have a house out of a magazine. Haha! So you know what?? I quit! I'm going to be myself and everyone else can go to hell for all I care! I'm a brash, loud, goofy redneck and if you don't like me, FINE! I probably don't like you either. I am so sick of the ''nice to your face'' ''talk crap behind your back'' people that I have met here. I have been sooo worried about fitting in and being just like everyone else that I have lost sight of who I am. And that's not fair to me. So here we go.
Of the people I HAVE been able to befriend....one of them has married a traveling salesman (and I say that with all the love in my heart Melyssa!!!) and she is living in Minnesota so chances to see her are completely out the window. And the other one, well, let's just say that she wasn't a friend to me. So...I am VERY happy to have 11 days to be with my family and friends and hopefully this will give me the boost I need to make it to Christmas until I see them again!
I'm a nice, southern (which is the problem, I guess) girl, who loves her family, the gospel, the friends I've had since childhood, my husband, my beautiful little girl, my dear, soon-to-be little boy, and all the lessons I have learned growing up. But I've been to worried about other people and not me. I'm going to start, from now on, the focus more on being a better person. Being the person that I was raised to be. Not some drone that goes along with whatever is ''hip'' or ''cool'' at the moment. I'm sad that I have wasted almost 2 years trying to fit into a circle hole when I am very clearly a square! What was I thinking?!?!
You're going to see a new side of me Blackfoot, and accept me or not, this is who I am. Hoorah! Haha! I feel like I should break out in song and dance....maybe I will when Kenzie wakes up!
I feel better already.
5 comments:
Awww, Jess, I know how you feel! I've had such a hard time making friends here and finally gave up a while ago. I've made two good friends since being married, one of which moved to Germany....soooo, yeah. I know eventually I will be able to find a good circle of friends. Most likely when I move away from this dang snobby place.
I'm jealous you get to go home for a nice long visit. I hope you have lots of fun, but not too much. Because it just wouldn't be fair to have so much fun with out me!!!
haha! yeah, i'm pretty sure i've pissed everyone off with this post. but oh well. i've made a few friends but none like you guys. i am really REALLY excited to get home and recharge my battery! too bad you can't be there! that would pretty much be the icing on the cake!!!
Good for you Jess! I agree with you completely!
loved ya since the moment i met you. ♥ tiniel
LOVE YOU TOO JESS!! And trust me- if we had the money, I would totally fly home just for the heck of it! Its been hard out here so far away from friends and family but not too much longer and I'll be home with our new "little" addition! Just in time to meet your new addition!
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